All my life I am just waiting.
Why don't you do something about it?
I'm afraid.
Which means that it's not working.
It isn't working - !
Unless that's normal?
That's a lot of things for normal.
We will see once I clear one thing up.
Pah. Everyone says "worst con yet" but I'm gonna say best con yet!
I think what made it best was meeting with a group of fans who were fans of the same series of me. Usually I see them online but to see them in person was just . . . awesome? I don't know but I liked it and now I'm even more of a fan. So cool.
Plus the hotel. It was nice to be able to stay as late as I wanted at the dances.
And the concerts were amazing. Yuki Kajiura is so good and being so close to BESPA at the rave! AH and I got my picture with them and I touched Azumi's hand! It was so funny to hear BESPA and Kalafina try to speak English. I think it's very cute when Japanese people can't speak English well. Keiko was the funniest. "Happy happy!"
Mmm I barely ate all weekend. I made a lot in the artist alley and spent most of it. But I just made some more money cleaning out my mom's computer. She had like five copies of all her photos dispersed across the machine and tons of useless programs everywhere. Why do PCs make it so difficult to delete anything? There are files all over the place! Then you have to defragment and clear all these other weird files and UGHHHHHHH well at least it takes a long time so I can get more money!
Well I got: signed CDs from both bands, buttons (lots of hetalia!), Poland+Russia commission, 2 Maleko commissions (lavender-ice and vulpix3337/Michaela), ($100 in commissions TT0TT - o wait plus su+fin buttons from my friend), America doujinshii from my MIT friend!, 2 face masks (regular white + black w/ blue atom symbol), leash + collar, blood seal necklace, LONG EARS BUNNY HAT that sold out last year (blue version), $46 kodomo no jikan art book O_O, 2 elricest doujinshii, 1 edxroy doujinshii, ummm probably other stuff
SWAP MEET stuff! YES
I think we should have our own swap meet and trade stuff before we go to college. Anyone want to?
So now I have like 50 commissions to draw.
OOH and I'm playing Bartok Romanian folk dances now!!!!! YES!
Huhu look at my pictures:
http://picasaweb.google.com/nishaphi
So I didn't sleep much the first night 'cause I stupidly took a caffeine pill before bed =_=` and then I was sleeping on the rock-hard floor. AND supposedly we were hosed by the hotel and could have got either much better rooms or money back. We should have complained. Not amongst each other because that's counterproductive and drama-inducing BUT to the hotel staff. ANYWAYS but the next day I slept in the bed and it was nice :).
Yay yay yay I wish the con was a week long.
And it's really strange to not be in school. I feel old.
edit @ 28 May 2009 09:59:03 by dalsegno
https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/demo/selectatest.html
So I actually have no subconscious preference for white people. Honestly that surprised me because I think most people do have have a subconscious preference. I really am as neutral and unprejudiced as I hoped I was.
Also I don't associate science with males. Good.
Somehow I have a slight or moderate (I forget) preference for homosexuals???
Which makes some sense because overall they are much less likely to be a threat to me, in certain ways. I am more anxious around straight people, because even if they say they don't care, I don't know that for sure. I'm actually anxious around a lot of people for fear that they are racist. That doesn't make a lot of sense at all because I'm a really unlikely target for racist attacks. But I don't think that's what I'm afraid of, in either situation.
I think I am afraid of the mind. Because these are the people who don't think. I think. Or something. Maybe it's that they're irrational. I don't know but I'm afraid of something and it has to do with these peoples' minds.
Subconscious preferences can be cured. I know that because a long time ago (middle school) I took the same test for racism and I got slight or moderate (once again I forget) preference for white people. I totally freaked out (I'm not supposed to get that result!) and set to work on curing myself.
And started drawing people who weren't white. Up until then, I created in my own image. But that's boring and uncreative. I had to expand myself. When I always had loved dark skin, why was I only drawing white people? I didn't even think about it. I thought about hair and eye color and every other color in the picture except for skin. Why? For someone who had always been so intrigued by cultures and ethnicity, that doesn't make sense.
I don't get it. Isn't this something people learn? How does it get so deep into one's mind that one doesn't even know it's there?
And why was it so easy to do away with? I'm flipped the other way completely. Subconsciously I have no preference. I'm not trying to do anything anymore. I've been like this for a while. I think it took only a year, maybe a year and a half.
Has anyone tried this before? Why was it so easy to change myself? I'm suspicious. It was too easy.
Obviously this preference wasn't rooted as hard as some other people's . . . but . . .
It's weird.
edit @ 15 May 2009 10:42:25 by dalsegno
edit @ 17 May 2009 12:14:42 by dalsegno
